I’m Annie, and I am a super tall female — 6 feet and 2 inches high to be exact. Throughout my 12 years as a fully grown Amazonian woman, I have accumulated quite a list of things that tall individuals deal with on the regular. This might fall into a similar category for some folks as #whitepeopleproblems or #firstworldproblems, but you know what? These are all things that we tall dudes and dudettes deal with on a daily basis. Some are funny, some are annoying, but one thing is for sure — they’re unavoidable.
As a tall individual walking down the streets of Portland, you need to be aware of surroundings at all times. Let your attention stray for even a moment, and you may find your face being forcefully assaulted by a tree branch. This may not be an issue everywhere, but here in Portland where trees are aplenty, this is a regular occurrence. I’ve lost fistfuls of hair to some aggressive foliage since living in Portland.
[Photo by Adam Smith]
2. When you fall, it’s a long way down and someone will inevitably yell “Timber”
Or maybe that just happens to me…..
3. Shoes, duh!
This is a multifaceted issue. First, there is shoe size. I like to tell people that I wear a size 10. But let’s be real, I’m actually an 11 and sometimes a 12. I usually have to order shoes online because my size is rarely in stock. If a shoe I like isn’t available in my size, I’m sometimes guilty of purchasing a size 10 or 10.5 with the grand delusion that my feet will magically shrink to fit. When in reality, I just force my big, ole’ sausage toes into the ill-fitting shoes and walk around in pain. It’s worth it though, right?
Second, and this one is more for the tall ladies – high-heels. High-heels are so pretty and fancy, and they also make me a staggering 6’7”. It’s not so much the added height that’s an issue; it’s the balance thing. I’ve only worn high-heels once, and I accepted that I would tower over the majority of the population (because I already do that without heels), but what I wasn’t expecting was how much it would hurt when I fell in said high-heels, spraining my ankle.
Showers are supposed to be a calm and relaxing experience. But when the showerhead only comes up to your collarbone, it’s pretty much the opposite. In a place where you are supposed to unwind and get so fresh and so clean, crouching down in awkward positions to wash your face and hair just plain sucks. You know those times when you have a really bad day and you go home and get in the shower and ugly-cry until your fingers prune? That must be nice.
When you’re tall, clothes rarely fit the way they’re supposed to. Jeans end up being capri pants; dresses generally become shirts and long sleeved shirts hardly ever actually hit your wrists. Maxi dresses? They always end up at an awkward spot just above the ankle giving you that “high school art teacher” vibe you never knew you wanted. Rompers? Please…there’s no way. I once got bold and thought I could pull off a romper, so I picked one out to try on at Target. Not only did I end up with a mean camel toe, but I also had to physically rip it off my body (it’s like those kids that put their head through a banister and aren’t able to pull their heads back out). So, that was fun…moving on.
[Photo by Adam Smith]
6. Ladders are rarely needed
And all your friends, family and coworkers know that. Why risk their own lives on some unstable height-acheiving contraption when they have you, a human ladder to grab things off high shelves for them?
Whether you’re doing the awkward knee bend to try and match the average height of your friend group or if you’re that bold soul that stands tall and gets your head cut off…taking photos with anyone other than people in your height range is dumb.
[Photo by Adam Smith]
8. Going to live shows
As a tall person attending a live show, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll hear some sort of commentary about your height (depending on where you’re standing in proximity to the stage). Just because I am tall does not mean that I need to stand in the back. I pay the same cover price as those people more vertically challenged then myself. And quite honestly, I should be able to stand wherever the crap I like. I remember reading a piece that came out in 2013 which was titled “An Open Letter to Tall People at Concerts” that made tall concert goers out to be vindictive towards the shorter attendees. It would be one thing if the smaller folks at concerts would actually ask in a polite way if they could maybe squeeze in front of a tall person – I don’t know any tall person that wouldn’t be more than happy to oblige. But never once has someone asked politely. It’s always a rude and snarky comment made to the back of my head in hopes of tall-shaming me into moving. Hey shorties, guess what? You can move too! Sorry, I’m not going to stand in the back of a venue to watch one of my favorite bands just to accommodate your needs. Does that make me an asshole? Perhaps…but I’m ok with that.
Airplanes are a tall persons nightmare. I don’t think there’s much to say about this one since it’s pretty self explanatory. What I will say is that airplanes must have been designed by some short engineers for human beings that are 5’7” and under…it’s a conspiracy! Also, it’s just mean.
– Written by Annie Miranda